Welcome to Coffee with Phil 2024! In this episode, recorded in the transition from 2023 to 2024, Phil shares insights into shedding the weight of emotional baggage for the new year. Reflecting on his recent trip to Indonesia, he explores the metaphorical baggage we carry—disappointment, offense, and unforgiveness. Phil offers practical actions and activations, encouraging listeners to invite God into their healing journey. Delve into this transformative discussion, realizing that letting go of past burdens is the key to embracing the new season and freedom that God has in store. Grab your coffee and join Phil on this impactful journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth.
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- Previous Episode: Episode 55
- Dr. Grant Mullen: Change How You Think!
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Introduction
Well good day and welcome to coffee with Phil 2024. I decided to put the date on this one to timestamp it for those of you listening in the future, whenever you listen to this is.
I’m recording this in 23, but we’re moving into 2024. And there’s some stuff going on that, I think we just need to take care of and the reason for that I’ll share with you in a minute, but I wonder what your Christmas season was like if you’re listening to this at the beginning of the calendar year, then if you’re like me, you’ll have an anticipation about what the new year brings. I always love… Well, I don’t love coming back to work from holiday. That’s probably not true, but I love the idea of a new year.
I love the idea of mapping out the year. I’ve got a wall planner for the calendar year on the back of the door of my office and I’ve already. Marked out some major milestones in the year, blocking out big things like trips away, you’ve got some mission stuff to do this year. I’ve got some time out to climb the mountain with the Lord, figuratively speaking, and some key events and the like, conferences and other things.
So pretty excited, but more than that, I have a sense that God is doing something and that requires me to prepare us or well to be honest, I need to get myself ready and you’re welcome to come on the journey.
Here’s my question at the beginning of our time together, are we all overweight? Now before this trigger you into some kind of anti-diet mindset spiral where you’re concerned about what people think about you. Let me say this is not about kilos. It’s about the baggage. Kathy and yes, yeah, your baggage and my baggage. Kathy and I recently on our most recent trip we took to Indonesia… Let me put it that way. The most recent trip we took to Indonesia, we had organised for our church family to gather together, make donations or make purchases that we would supply simple things like underwear and socks and bedding for a bunch of children that we support in Indonesia and the church was extravagantly generous to the point where we had too much stuff to take.
It’s like I can’t do it on one trip. So, my team, God bless them, packed it into a suitcase that someone else had donated. Thank you for that donation. And they packed it to the limit. 30 kilograms which was the limit for the baggage on an international flight. No room for my clothes. No room for my needs. 30 kilos of socks and undies and bedding that we were to take to our friends in Indonesia, which is exciting.
Except I was aware that the domestic flight, the internal flight from Jakarta up to Sulunkit. Had a different weight limit and I was a bit concerned about that. We tried to sort it out beforehand. There were a whole lot of connections that caused well… Let’s just say a whole lot of airlines swapped fares, which meant that we couldn’t sort it out before we left.
So, I turned up to the airport for check in on the domestic flight. Knowing I was in trouble. You ever done that? I had this one, so I was in San Francisco coming home and I’d been a little bit eager at the bookstore and the churches I was visiting. And I was way overweight, and it cost me a lot of money on an international flight back from San Francisco to Auckland. This time I’m taking a two-hour flight, and the lady looks at me in broken English. She says, “Sir, you are overweight” and thankfully, I didn’t take that personally. I knew she was talking about the baggage. She wrote a number on a piece of paper; we had to go and pay the $100 it cost for the extra baggage just to get underwear for the children.
Well, what’s the point of telling that story? Look, I think we’re all overweight. I think we’re carrying baggage. I think the extra baggage is the weight we need to lose, and that weight is the baggage we are carrying from the past season. And I want to talk to you about that today because you know, if you listen to different podcasts, they’ll be helping you to set goals and new year’s resolutions. And hey, New Year, new you, let’s drop 10 lbs or 10 kilos that we collected from last year around our middle. Well, this is not that podcast. This podcast is helping you to think about losing the baggage that you’re carrying that just extra weight that God does not want you to bring into the new season that we’re moving into spiritually as followers.
So, what are these bag labels? Well, I just thought that there’s probably half a dozen that we could tag. You know, you might not be carrying too much… too many undies, or too many bed clothes, but what about disappointment? Disappointment as a label on baggage that we carry that is not the design of God, it’s not his best intention for us to continue to carry this baggage. What about the next label offences and we’ll talk about that in a minute. Offences that we carry as extra baggage. Unforgiveness there’s another label on a bag that really, we would do well to leave behind and there may be others.
What about unrealised expectations that we have? What about broken relationships that are not yet sorted out? And what about delayed dreams? That’s one that many people struggle with and so look, this could be a very, very long and tense podcast. But for today, I think what we’ll do is we’re going to stick to ABC. We’re going to stick to dealing with this appointment. We’re going to stick to dealing with offences, and we’re going to stick to dealing with unforgiveness.
Now the reason that this is important is we need to understand that the baggage we carry is dead weight. That will stop us moving in a greater level of freedom into the future that God has for us, and I first found this in a seminar by a guy called… a very wise man called Doctor Grant Mullin, and we will put the reference to his website, which is full of great resources. We’ll put the reference down in the show notes, there’s a whole bunch of transcriptions that you can get on the website, so make sure you enjoy that.
But yeah, I’m looking at his website, he’s got this heading at the top. “Discover how to free your mind.” Incredibly clever teaching. I remember one day going to his seminar in New Zealand and he put up this slide as part of his presentation, it was a cartoon. I believe his wife Kathy drew the cartoon, but it was a cartoon of this poor guy bent over carrying this huge bag. and he‘s dragging it through life, wondering why he wasn’t feeling joyful and free, and he was grumpy, and it was just because he was choosing to carry his bags through life and so that’s the mindset, we’ve got to think about with regards to losing weight for the new Year.
And what I want to do in this very short time we have together is I just want to share some examples and help you with some practical actions or activations that you could move into, that will help you to find a greater level of freedom moving forward into your future. So why don’t you grab a coffee here? Pause if you need to pause, go grab a coffee or a cup of tea. Perhaps this might be better served by having herbal tea that will keep you clear and focused and feeling calm so that you can lose weight for the new year by discarding the baggage from previous seasons.
Bag Labels: Disappointment
So let’s get into this. Let’s talk about the first one. The first one I wanted to talk about is disappointment. Disappointment happens when our life does not go the way we thought it should. Now I’ve written down my notes here, “Phil, share an example” and I’ll be honest with you. I’ve got so many examples in my life where I found myself in a space of disappointment because it didn’t go the way I thought it would. But there’s a whole lot of examples I’ve had. I’ve had personal ministry trips where I’ve moved into a space of working with some people, and quite frankly, I just didn’t see the results that I’d really hoped for.
You know, I’ve walked away from this. We visited this town, and they hosted us for dinner, and we had our church service afterwards. And the church was packed to the back door. And there were people standing and there were a lot of people. What I loved about it. They really went there for me, although the white guy often was a little bit of a circus trick that brings the crowds out.
But to be honest with you, as I watched them worship and as they responded to the message of hope that Jesus brings and they were desperate for freedom and liberty, that God’s got for them. And I remember one time at the end of that night. Now I’m thinking of this man that brought this girl up for prayer. And she had an arm that was bent and through the interpreter, I learned that there was a whole lot of family stuff that was going on and then there was this physical ailment that they thought God was punishing them. And we prayed with this family. her mom and her daughter would have been about 10, and she had these big, beautiful brown eyes and she looked up at me and I wanted Jesus to heal her radically.
And I prayed, and I prayed. And I didn’t know what else to do. And I walked away from it disappointed. I don’t feel like I let them down. I don’t think it’s my fault. I’m not carrying that kind of guilt and shame. But I was disappointed. I was like, Lord, I wanted it to go well for that family and it, it just wasn’t the outcome.
And so, what’s the solution when you’ve got disappointments? I mean, I’ve had business encounters with people that didn’t go the way I wanted. I’ve had relationships, you know, friendships just not go the way that I’d hoped they would or, you know, personal things that Kathy and I are working on together. And it’s like, it’s not going the way that I thought it would. So, I’ve got plenty of examples and you could probably sit down and write a list as well. Well, what’s the solution for that kind of journey? Because disappointment can grow into bitterness. You can start judging yourself. You can start judging others, or at worst, as you start judging God because you’re saying God, you let me down now. and bitterness is way bigger as far as baggage goes and an issue to deal with. So, you want to catch things early if you can.
But how do you deal with disappointment, so here’s a simple activation that I find helps me, and we’re going to do it a couple of different ways. So again, we’re going to put the notes in the transcript and attach it to the podcast so you can go back and review these, or you can download it and you can transfer it into a journal system and you can begin to work on it because it really does help people when we do this with them.
But there’s a couple ways to look at it. The first thing you could do is ask God to reveal how he sees your situation. You know, often our disappointment comes because we’ve got filters. Well, we’ve got an incorrect perspective. We’ve got a perspective different from God’s. God is perfect, God is working all things together for good, for those who love God, according to his purposes. God is good 100% of the time. God is not evil; God is not trying to ruin your life. So, with that mindset, God is always good.
When things don’t go the way, we thought they should, or the way we expected. The problem is not with God. The problem is with us. It’s a false perspective. And so, one of the things we need to do is say. “God, would you show me how you see the situation?” And God is good and gracious and kind and loving. And he wants to lead you in that revelation to help you to let go of disappointment. Because getting rid of baggage is God’s business.
So, the first question that you could ask as a solution to getting rid of disappointment is to say “God, would you reveal to me how you see the situation?” One of the other fantastic tools that I find very effective and helping people move out of disappointment or brokenness in a more extreme way is to ask God a different question, and that is, say, “God, would you show me where you are in this situation?” You see, God is not absent. God is not a far, far, far, far away God. He’s active and real and present and intimate with every single person created in his image. Most of the time, we’re Just not aware of it, we don’t know he’s there or we’re choosing to ignore him.
But what if you thought you were abandoned? What if you thought he let you down? What if you thought that? Something was wrong and you just simply said, God, I confess that I am wrong, and I want to see things your way. Would you show me a picture of where you are in the midst of the situation right now? Or the historical situation and please, God help me to see things your way and time and time and time again. I’ve seen God do miraculous things and reveal pictures or a sense of closeness or intimacy, all these kinds of things that really help people to understand God is always good, always present and he’s always wanting to bring healing to disappointment.
So again, there’s a lot of work just on that first one and it’s this. That’s not the biggie. So, grab the transcript and work your way through some of these activations.
Bag Labels: Offence
The second thing that I’d like to say and deal with is offence. I had coffee with a friend this week. Surprise, surprise Phil is catching up with people and having Coffee. And we’re talking about people that are struggling and in the context of church. Struggling to connect to the community and my friend said to me he said this, he says. Look, there’s just so many people I know that are carrying around offence in the way they see things and the way they see people and the way they see church and it’s just like they’ve been bruised, and they just don’t want to get over it. And to be honest with you that conversation was the catalyst for this podcast.
But I thought it’s just so true. Let me define it for you. Offences are when you still say that hurt me and I still carry the bruise. So, think about offences, which is a broken situation, a broken relationship, or someone did something to me and it hurt me. It bruised me and I am not yet healed. Now let me give you an analogy for this. Let’s just say… let’s do it this way. I just had a brain wave. Let’s pretend that we are teenagers, and we’re play fighting, so you might not be a teenage boy. You may never have been a teenage boy, but just imagine a teenage rough and tumble situation.
You remember the concept of a dead leg? Where there’s a knee or an elbow or a fist. That used to hit someone on the thigh bone, which would cause a dead leg situation. You probably know what I’m talking about and that creates A bruise, right? A bruise is an internal damage that the body then sends healing to so that over a period of time, depending how big the bruise is, over a period of time that bruise, which is an internal entry, it heals over time. Well, an offence is like that. It’s like a dead leg that causes a bruise. But what I want to tell you is God will not heal that bruise if you do not allow him to.
That’s big. The reason people carry offence for a long time is because they have chosen to identify as a victim and not allow God to bring healing to the offence. Now what I’m not saying is that we allow that person to continue to hurt us. That is not what I’m saying. You need to put a fence up and put boundaries. And I’ve done several podcasts. Search my podcast channel and look for the podcast on Safe boundaries. We’ll reference it in the show notes for you, because I just don’t remember. What number it is but look for the one creating safe boundaries.
But what I am saying is you get to choose if you allow God to bring healing. So, in the example that my friend was talking about today. There are always stories of human beings causing pain for other human beings. Because we just seem to have fragile lives now, that’s normal. I get hurt by people. I’m fragile. So, I’m not trying to blame anyone else. I’m saying let’s talk about it. To me, someone does something or sees something because they’re an imperfect human being waiting to be redeemed by Jesus or just always needing to be redeemed by Jesus. And I’m one of those as well.
I say things that hurt other people. I get hurt by what people say, but if I don’t allow God to love me and heal me. I will just look like one big bruise, and I’ll stay like that for the rest of my life, and then I’m so fragile, I don’t want to be around people because I’m fragile. I’m bruised, right? I’m tender. I’m sore. I’m vulnerable. And I’m, like. “Get away from me. You, you people.” And that’s just not God’s desire for us to leave. He’s designed us to live in a community. And to have grace and to allow him to be the healer. And sometimes we need to go to the other person to say. “Hey, what you said to me, I just would like to share with you how that made me feel. And I’m going to let you choose what you do about it.”
Danny Silken in his book. “Keep your love on.” He talks about keeping short accounts like that and not telling the person what they Have to do. So, to keep your love on (K.Y.L.O) Principle is really, say this is what happened. And this is how I feel. And I’d like to stay connected with you. So, I’m inviting you to respond. But do not tell the person what to do because that’s manipulation.
So, here’s my solution for this and this is really only going to go part way into it. You get to choose, I suppose, how deep you go with God on this but remind yourself, here’s the solution. Remind yourself that God will only hear you If you allow him to. So, you need to stop. If this is a big deal for you, you need to stop your identity as a victim. Stop claiming that you’re the victim and choose to submit to God and say God I need you to heal me, and I want to let go of offence, so help me to let go of offence and help me to take all of the healing that you have for me.
And look, I’ve helped people to do this many, many times, and the other person’s in the room. The person that’s causing the offence, the offender, you could say is not in the room, they don’t need to be in the room. Now, sometimes there’s a need for a conversation. And you know, but you can’t do that if you’re not healthy. You can’t do that If you’re not feeling safe or you’re not able to do that in a healthy and safe way. If you haven’t allowed God to heal you. Sorry.
Firstly, we talked about disappointment. Secondly, we talked about offence and actually the big one, to be honest with you is unforgiveness.
Bag Labels: Unforgiveness
It’s been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison every day and waiting for the other person to die. Like why? If you had sanity, if you have a sane mind and you weren’t hurt. Why would you continue to drink the cup of poison? First and foremost. But secondly, why would you work out or think that it would cause someone else to have pain? So, we hold on to pain. Because we think it’s going to punish the other person and it’s just not doing it and the only person that’s getting hurt is you?
Look, the blessing of my life, as a leader is that I get to spend a lot of time with people, but I also am exposed to a lot of people who sometimes pass on their pain by way of the way they talk or the things they do because they specifically want to punish me. And that means that I actually have got a lot of stuff going on where I could choose to hold unforgiveness for the pain, the hurt, or the damage that other people have tried to cause. But I learned this a long time ago. If you do not conquer yourself, you will be conquered by yourself.
And what that means is I’m in charge of the internal journey going on, managing and controlling how I respond to the circumstances around me, and I’ve got to invite God into that. So, when I invite God into what I’m working with, dealing with any unforgiveness so that I’m not drinking that poison, which I know will ultimately become a dangerous toxic internal state for me if I don’t keep short accounts.
Now one of the other things I’ve learned. I’m really laying this on thick because I believe God is. Is inviting us into a new place of freedom. What he’s about to do in our lives, and so we’ve got to lose weight for the new year. So, I’m labouring this because I have a sense of urgency that if we don’t lose the baggage. Then we’re going to be limited in how we walk into the new space. And if you know the Bible, you will know that the Israelites that came out of Egypt carried so much baggage from their slavery that ultimately, they weren’t able to move into the promised land. God said this generation will die in the desert. And they wandered for 40 years until the Lord had purged Egypt out of Israel. So let that not be you.
But here’s the point. Unforgiveness leaves a door open in your heart for the enemy of your soul to come in and exploit your inner world. And I don’t have time to fully teach this. I might do this in another podcast. Because maybe send me a message or shout out if you need to because You know, this is a major thing for some people. Maybe you want to come and have a coffee and a chat and sit in my office for, some ministry. I’m not sure. Reach out if you need to.
But the point I’m making is if you do not deal with unforgiveness, the enemy will come and beat you up again and again, and again and again and again. And it gets worse. And it gets worse, and it gets worse.
So, you want to deal with this? But I have witnessed… Personally I remember the first time I walked through this prayer that I’m about to share with you. The first time I walked through this prayer, I saw the Lord almost like… It was not an outer body experience. It just sounds really weird, but I was aware that God was doing such a deep work inside me that I couldn’t achieve on my own. And I was just in awe and wonder at the love. And the grace of God at work. So, it doesn’t matter how big a deal this feels for you. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been hanging around; it doesn’t matter how big that baggage is. God can do something in an instant if we allow him to.
So, here’s the solution. You saw this, and again we’ll put this in the transcript So you don’t have to remember it, but you will want to come back to this. Here’s what you say to God. You ask Almighty God, who do I need to forgive in order to find freedom in this area of my life? Who specifically do I need to forgive? In order to find freedom in this area of my life and in my personal experience, God will show You a picture of someone, or he will show you a circumstance and you’ll instantly know. That what happened in that moment was as a catalyst in bringing Unforgiveness and opening the door for Unforgiveness to be present in your life and that baggage is still there now. Literally, if you choose to respond to God leading you and say, OK God, thank you for showing me that. Don’t argue. You don’t need an explanation because you know the Holy Spirit will lead you. You just say, OK God, I’m choosing to forgive that person and I’m asking you God to break the power of unforgiveness in my life and set me free.
If you pray that real simple prayer, I guarantee you God will do something amazing in your life. I’ve seen it time and time again, friends. I have a sense of urgency in my life that it’s time that we lose weight for the new season, that God’s leading us into and the weight we need to lose is the baggage we’re carrying from past seasons. It might be a recent season, or it might be a season from a long time ago where the Lord says, hey, it’s now time. Let’s work on this area of your life and I know I’ve told you before. I’ve had many seasons like this where the Lord says come now, we’re ready to move into this next space of freedom for what I’ve got for you.
So, as I close, I am not underestimating how significant this is for some of you, but I am trying to encourage you to partner with God on this because his grace is sufficient for all your weakness. So, here’s my closing question. What work do you and I need to do so that we lose the weight of extra baggage in the new year to come? There is a new season, friends. I mean, God wants us to walk into it with him.
So, I pray for you. I am praying for you, God, the God of Grace and mercy. Will be found by you as you search for freedom in this season to come, and if there’s anything I can do, walk with you, help you, serve you, then reach out to me. I’m always available for a coffee. So, let’s do it together. Hey. May God richly bless you, and I’m excited about what’s going to come in the future. Coming weeks. So don’t forget to subscribe and hang out with me. Let’s have coffee with Phil. Let’s live our faith in real time and see what God’s going to do. God Bless you and catch you soon.