Connection only happens when you work at it.
I’ll be honest. My marriage connection with Kathy hasn’t always been roses and love songs. There have been tough times in our marriage, and I’ve come to accept this as normal in the roller coaster of life. But tough times don’t last, tough people do! Praise God for His love and grace that sustains us through tough times.
When times get tough, we must choose to work hard to protect our marriage connection. That means loving through times of disconnection, forgiving when it hurts, and being obedient to the Lord in all things, (which includes apologising when He tells you to!). Another thing I’ve learned, is sometimes you have to work hard to strengthen the connection even when the other person isn’t!
A marriage connection is a covenant connection, which has been formed by God as an unbreakable connection. If you choose to submit to God, then you’re choosing to commit to one another through thick and thin, good and bad times, and even moments where you don’t feel loved or honoured.
A marriage connection is a covenant connection, which has been formed by God as an unbreakable connection.
Kathy and I learned huge lessons through our tough times as we invited God to bring healing and strength. Two books that helped are Love and Respect and Keep Your Love On. For us, these books were timely recommendations from friends who loved us through our tough times.
Church family is much like a marriage; God calls us to join together in mutual love and respect, honouring each other’s gifts and passions, while seeking “God’s highest” for the other through other-centred, sacrificial love.
In church family we can have times of disconnection, mis-understanding, and broken trust. How we respond in these times is our choice – will we treat disconnection as a sign for termination, or will we choose to work hard to protect our connection?
In marriage, Kathy and I have learned how to communicate in love and respect, and we’re still learning! We use the phrase, “I’m not feeling connected with you right now, and I want to be.” this opens a careful conversation where we both seek to strengthen our connection. I try and adopt this approach in conversations in church family also, and am still learning how to seek clarity in people’s needs in order that they would feel heard and valued.
Connection only happens when you work at it.
Blessings,
Phil
PS. I am aware that this subject may be a tough one for some who have seen significant relationships break down. I am in no way trying to cause offence or bring judgement to anyone who has experienced the end of a marriage or another relationship. I have been in the middle of situations where things didn’t work out, and I know the pain. Trust me, I know the pain. Life is not a perfect fairy tale of continual roses and love songs. I pray the Lord’s grace on us all as we navigate our imperfect lives holding hands with imperfect people.