With every year I add to my life, I find myself more secure in who I am, and yet I can’t help but wonder, am I secure enough not to care if somebody thinks I am wrong?
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. – Psalm 27:3 (ESV)
The simple answer is no, or at least not yet.
I still battle to remember that being wrong, doesn’t make me wrong. I struggle to see a mistake as an opportunity to grow. I struggle with correction, criticism, and confrontation.
More than that, I forget that whether I am right or wrong, there are only a select number of people who I should be allowed to speak into my life.
The angry motorist that I accidentally cut off, the snarky checkout operator who had the belt of her checkout stop for the fifth time today because I overloaded it, that person who’s having a truly terrible day and decides that my presence adds to their irritation, perhaps they shouldn’t be allowed to speak into my life.
I have a few questions that I use to help me refine if the person speaking to me with words of correction, criticism, or confrontational, has a right to speak into my life.
- Are they in my close circle of family and friends?
- Have they proven themselves trustworthy/safe in the area they are commenting on?
- Do they love me?
When it boils down to it, the ‘Do they love me’ question is probably the most important. If they love me, if they really value me, then they are unlikely to point out a problem without at least offering a solution, If not help to achieve it. If they love me, they likely know at least some of my history, we would already be in a relationship with each other, and they would understand some of my why, just as I would understand much of their story and biases.
I know that there have been times in my life that I have allowed people who barely even know my name or people who are speaking from a place of anger, fear, or jealousy to speak into my life. I have allowed their comments to shape how I see myself. I have permitted people to enter into a sphere of influence over my life that they should never have been given access to.
People will do and say all kinds of things to and at us throughout our lives, but we are the ones who allow those words to impact us, change us, and take up space in our minds.
It occurs to me that if I am truly confident in who God says I am, and about how he loves me, the words of others, even the people that I respect and love, would just roll off of me, and if their words failed to line up with God’s, they would be disregarded entirely. When God’s opinion is the only one that matters, even when people point out that I’m wrong I would not be shaken. Because when God’s opinion comes first, no matter the criticism, I could confidently trust that He would get me where I need to be and that He would grow me into my best self.
Am I secure? No, not yet. But every day, as I get to know God more, through reading His word, prayer, and worship, my security grows, and if (like my mustard seed faith), my security can grow, then yours can too.
Karla